Reflecting on the Transformation Series
Two years after creating the Transformation series, I'm finding deeper meaning in it as I reflect on all of the changes in my life this year.
TW: Mention of disordered eating
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on my 2023 Transformation series—a collection of paintings featuring butterflies as the central theme. Initially, I chose this motif for its playful nature and its connection to cherished childhood memories, never anticipating it would come to embody the year’s unfolding journey.
2023 marked a period of significant change for me. The previous years had left me feeling exhausted, stuck, and anxious (COVID-era, amirite?!), which stalled my creativity and compounded longstanding struggles with food fears and restrictive eating. By late February, I knew something had to give. Taking charge, I enrolled in a program to confront my food-related anxieties. Through that experience, both my body and mind underwent positive transformations, leading me to discover that the process was about much more than food—it was about regaining freedom and rediscovering joy in everyday life.
As my relationship with food healed, my artistic energy returned as well. Back in my studio, I felt invigorated, and that’s when the Transformation series truly came alive.
Now, moving into this year, I see parallels emerging in other areas. Instead of battling restrictive eating and food anxieties, it was more about battling restrictive peopling and social anxieties. One of my main ambitions was to cultivate authentic connections outside of social media and build real, in-person relationships. Years of a flat-lining social life had left me cynical and withdrawn, rarely feeling motivated to leave home and finding the prospect of meeting new people overwhelming. I realized I needed genuine community, a sense of belonging and contribution; not just networking (I loathe that word, btw. Why does everything in our lives have to be commercialized?).
To achieve this, I left major social platforms to become more intentional about reaching out and building friendships. My renewed dedication to fitness led to meaningful bonds at my taekwondo studio and gym. I also joined a local UCC church, drawn not by religious affiliation (to be honest, I probably consider myself more Buddhist than Christian) but by admiration for their active role in local service—from food pantries to social events to community outreach. Given today’s political climate, I craved such community engagement.
Throughout the year, I also challenged myself with public speaking on three occasions. These experiences brought profound healing; suddenly, I found myself energized and enjoying social interaction. I began to recognize that what I thought was introversion was likely just social anxiety, and I now seem to thrive among others. Helping and giving back became central to my daily thoughts, and I feel deeply fortunate and connected.
The impact on my art has also been notable. After burning out completely in April and taking a long hiatus from painting until November, I even considered stepping away from art entirely. Eventually, though, I understood that like the rest of my life, connection fuels my creative practice, and distancing myself from sharing my work online diminished my drive to create. Realizing the importance of sharing, I opted to sign up for some exhibitions instead of quitting (more details to come soon).
When I finally resumed painting, I noticed shifts in both my choice of materials (moving from acrylics to oils) and my style, which dare I say, I feel more connected to. I genuinely believe that’s because I have practiced how to connect better.
What began as a playful project, the Transformation series now holds deeper significance for me. I’ve come to appreciate how we are always evolving; sometimes in big ways, sometimes smaller, but change is constant, and this year, it feels especially meaningful.
Pieces and prints from the Transformation series are available on my Ko-Fi site, found here.